Penelope's Bad Word
by Calem de Vaniville
Summary: Penelope is learning to talk. But one day she learns a word that she really shouldn't be using. Rated M for repeated use of a certain bad word.


_**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Hamtaro or related characters. They are property of Tokyo Movie Shinsha._

_This fanfic is rated M for repeated use of the word "fucking". It is not for those under 16._

_This is my first Hamtaro fic. I was a big fan of the show when it was on Cartoon Network. I think it's really cute. And Penelope is my favorite character of all, so I decided to put her at the star._

* * *

**THE ESTATE OF NIBIRU-MUL PRESENTS**

**PENELOPE LEARNS A SWEAR**

It was a cloudy autumn day in wherever in Japan the Ham-Hams are supposed to live.

At the Ham-Ham Clubhouse, things were going well. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Let's take a look inside. Hamtaro, Boss, and Penelope are playing cards. Maxwell is reading a book. Pashmina and Bijou are reading fashion magazines. Howdy and Dexter were arguing over which one should take Pashmina out to dinner next week. Cappy, Oxnard, Sandy, and Panda are watching the Ham-Ham TV. Stan is spying on the girls from behind the plant. And Snoozer was, of course, sleeping.

Penelope appeared to be beating Hamtaro and Boss.

"Oh, man!" said Boss. "Penelope always wins!"

"Ookwee!" said Penelope. "Gotcha!" Penelope was learning how to talk.

"I say you're quite the Ham at cards," said Hamtaro.

Then, Pashmina approached Penelope.

"Penelope," she said. "I have to go home. June's grandparents are going to be at her house soon. I have to make sure I get home before June does. Promise to be good for me while I'm gone?"

"Yes, ookwee!" said Penelope.

"Good," said Pashmina. "I'll be back in about three hours."

Pashmina went to the door and left. While she was leaving, she tripped on a pebble.

"Ouchichi!" said Pashmina. "Who left this fucking pebble here?"

Pashmina got better and walked onward. But this was not before Penelope had seen her - and Penelope's face lit up at the swear word.

Later, it was time for tea. All of the hamsters gathered at the table to have some tea. Penelope sat down between Bijou and Panda. She took her teacup and waited to be served some sugar. But right this moment was the time that she would mess up...

"How many bits of sugar would you like?" asked Bijou.

"One," said Penelope.

Bijou put one bit of sugar in Penelope's tea. Then Penelope drank it.

"Ookwee!" said Penelope. "Fucking good!"

Bijou screamed.

"PENELOPE!" she said. "You are not supposed to be using that word!"

"Ookwee?" asked Penelope.

"It's a bad word!" said Bijou. "It's one of the thirteen words that you should never use."

"I thought there were only seven," said Oxnard.

"Well there's thirteen if you're a Ham-Ham!" said Bijou.

"Fucking words!" said Penelope.

"Penelope sure is a potty mouth," said Sandy. "What should we do?"

"I say we wash her mouth out with soap," said Howdy. "That's what my mama used to do when I still lived with her."

"No," said Maxwell. "My book on Ham-Ham rearing says that washing out the mouth with soap never solves anything. In fact, it can even be dangerous - there are chemicals in that soap that should never ever be put in a young Ham-Ham's mouth."

"It's totally pooie," said Sandy.

"We'll just watch her," said Hamtaro.

Later, Hamtaro and Bijou took Penelope for a walk. Everything started going fine until Penelope looked up and saw a bird.

"That's a bird, Penelope!" said Hamtaro.

"Nice fucking bird," said Penelope.

"WHAT?" said Bijou. "That's not the right way to talk about birds."

"Fucking bird!" said Penelope.

A mother hamster with a baby in her carriage passed by and noticed Penelope letting out several F-bombs.

"My word!" said the mother hamster. "What is wrong with her? Children these days are so rude!"

"Nothing is wrong with her," said Hamtaro. "She just learned a new word...one she's not supposed to be using."

Penelope kept using the F word over and over again.

"Stop saying the F word!" said Bijou.

Hamtaro and Bijou took Penelope back to the Ham-Ham Clubhouse. There they decided to make shadow puppets. Right now, Maxwell was making one.

"I know!" said Stan. "It's a duck!"

"It's not a duck," said Maxwell.

"Is it a pigeon?" asked Oxnard.

"It's not a pigeon either," said Maxwell.

"It's a turkey," Bijou whispered to Penelope.

"Fucking turkey!" shouted Penelope. "Ookwee!"

"She's right," said Dexter.

Maxwell was stunned.

"Still using that word, Penelope?" said Maxwell. "You must like it."

"Fucking fucking fucking!" said Penelope. "Ookwee!"

"She won't stop using it," said Bijou. "What are we going to do?"

The Ham-Hams pondered for a bit. Then Panda had an idea.

"I have a good idea!" said Panda. "Let's try to see which one of us might have taught her the word. It sure wasn't me."

"Well," said Sandy, "it wasn't me. I didn't swear today. Neither did Oxnard or Stan."

"I didn't swear either," said Cappy.

"Neither did I," said Maxwell. "I hardly ever swear."

"I swore twice today," said Boss, "but I didn't use the F word."

"We only used hell," said Dexter.

"Hell ain't a bad word, Dexter," said Howdy. "It's just the place where you go after you die if you've been bad."

"Yes it is!" said Dexter.

"No it ain't!" said Howdy.

"If hell isn't a bad word," said Dexter, "then ain't isn't a word!"

Howdy slapped Dexter.

"And me and Bijou didn't swear either," said Hamtaro. "And Snoozer was asleep most of the day."

Suddenly, Pashmina came back. She had bought Lapis and Lazuli with her. The latter two were holding a bag of sunflower seeds.

"Hi," said Pashmina, "I saw Lapis and Lazuli on my way back here, and they had seeds with them."

"Hey!" said Lapis.

"What's up?" said Lazuli.

"Nothing," said Hamtaro.

Pashmina, Lapis, and Lazuli went inside and put the seeds on the table.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" asked Pashmina.

"Penelope learned a bad word," said Bijou. "She's constantly saying it." Penelope was still using the F word. "We checked everyone who was in the Clubhouse, and yet we didn't find anyone who had taught her the word. None of us heard the F word, except..."

Pashmina covered her mouth.

"What's wrong?" asked Bijou.

"It was me," said Pashmina. "I used the F word."

"Fucking word!" said Penelope.

"Stop saying that!" said Pashmina. She went over to Penelope. "I'm sorry, Penelope. Sometimes grown-ups use words that they really shouldn't. I should have never used that word. But please, do me a favor and stop saying that word. It would make me happy."

And surely enough, Penelope stopped using the word.

"I'm glad she stopped," said Bijou.

"It was getting annoying," said Hamtaro.

"Now that that's settled," said Lapis, "want some sunflower seeds?"

"There's enough for everyone," said Lazuli.

"Sure!" said Penelope.

All the Ham-Hams went to eat their sunflower seeds.

**THE END**


End file.
